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The Instagram account Only in Dade, known for laughing with —and not at— life in Miami-Dade County, asked ChatGPT to do something unusual for a machine: mock Miami with brutal honesty.
The result was a "forensic report" on ten neighborhoods in South Florida that has already gone viral. "I asked ChatGPT to mercilessly critique the top 10 cities in Miami," the social media profile stated, and the AI did not hold back.
In a darkly humorous tone, he described Brickell as “the Manhattan of the South, where everyone is rich for three months and the rest of the year they finance with Klarna”; Miami Beach as “Times Square in a thong, with $28 margaritas and sidewalks that smell of sunscreen and regret”; and Wynwood as the place “where the murals look better than the people.”
The followers quickly applauded. “This is too good,” commented one user, while others agreed that Hialeah is “a chaos of coffees, roosters, Camaros, and drivers who would qualify for Formula 1… if they survive.”
The satire continued with Coral Gables, described as “beautiful and boring, with neighbors who call the police if the grass grows half an inch too tall”; and Doral, nicknamed “simulator of a Latino suburb,” with endless traffic and cloned churrascos.
The rest of the ranking completed the map with surgical precision: North Miami, the "2006 software update that was never installed"; Aventura, "retirement home with shopping mall"; Sunny Isles, "little Moscow"; Kendall, the "Bermuda Triangle of Miami"; and, of course, Hialeah, crowned as "the final boss".
In the comments, hundreds of Miami residents laughed, disagreed, or identified themselves in the descriptions. “ChatGPT knows Miami better than the Miamians themselves,” wrote one user. Another requested a sequel: “We want Homestead, Cutler Bay, and Coconut Grove.”
Beyond the joke, the exercise demonstrated how artificial intelligence is beginning to understand—and replicate—the local culture with surprising accuracy. This time, it wasn't a political analysis or an automatic poem, but something much more human: a good dose of self-criticism and Miami humor.
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