The Cuban comedian and lawyer Alian Aramis published a satirical video on Facebook from exile that promises to teach, in just over two minutes, everything one needs to know to aspire to be a leader in Cuba. The result is an unwritten —and devastatingly recognizable— manual on political ascent on the Island.
"Wait, wait, don’t skip this video. If you’re in Cuba and plan to be a leader, don’t go yet—I’ll show you how," Aramis begins, confidently as someone who knows the system from the inside.
The first piece of advice comes from elementary school: squeal on anyone who stands up when the teacher leaves the classroom. Then, in the Federation of Middle School Students or in the University Student Federation, the candidate must master the term "pitiyanki" and use it frequently.
In terms of academic performance, Aramis is blunt: "Stay away from the top spots in the ranking. You don't have time for that, nor the brains. If intelligence chases you, just slow down and let it win." Mediocrity, when properly managed, is a virtue.
The next step is to master the art of applause and always respond with slogans: “You don’t have time for reasoned answers. Nor intellect. Reply with slogans to everything. Even to things that don’t warrant it. For example, if you’re in bed with your wife and she says: [...] 'the second', you reply: 'Let’s go for more!'.”
Once the office is assigned, the decoration is strategic. "Hang a picture of Fidel behind you and another of Raúl. And maintain a serious face of revolutionary intransigence. Don't let it seem like you are trading influence," warns Aramis. He adds a detail of protocol that allows for no mistakes: "If you only hang a picture of Che on such an empty wall, you will look like a warehouse worker."
Punctuality also has its science. "You schedule people for eight o'clock. You arrive a little after nine. When you get there, you make a joke with someone and say, 'Bosses don’t arrive late, they join in.'"
For the intermediate level, the leader must master the indefinite future: "It will be achieved, progress will be made, the goal will be obtained, we will overcome." No dates, no numbers, no verifiable commitments. For the "pro leader" level, the recipe is to conduct audits, inspections, and surprise visits to municipal bodies: "You mess with them, you mess with them, so they see that you are fighting against corruption."
The final piece of advice, reserved for the "pro max leader," is the most applauded — and the most painful —: "Send your children abroad". In a country where mass emigration is relentless, the privilege of sending one's own children away while managing the country from within precisely encapsulates the double standards of the nomenclature.
The video connects with a relentless debate. The comedian Ulises Toirac recently denounced that Cuban leaders do not relinquish their privileges, and wrote that "sixty-something years of secrets, decisions made without consultation, unaccountable budgets, and the privileges that all this entails" are not easily abandoned.
The regime approved a Code of Ethics for Revolutionary Leaders in 2024 that demands austerity and a rejection of privileges, but the public perception — crystallized in Aramis's humor — is that the document is not worth the paper it is printed on.
Aramis is no stranger to this field. His song "Que vaya el Sandro", written as a parody of the official call for a march on December 20, 2024, went viral among Cubans and directly targeted the privileges of Sandro Castro, grandson of Fidel Castro, in contrast to the misery of the people. The authorities responded by suspending his performances in theaters and cultural events, and in February 2025, the comedian left Cuba with his family headed for Guyana.
From exile, Aramis continues to sharpen his pencil. And his mini-course reveals more about the true workings of power in Cuba than any official speech or report.
Filed under: